Thursday, March 11 2010 - 08:19 PM
Rex Opens Door for Senior Citizen
Surrounded by an army of photographers and supporters, Lancaster Mayor Rex Parris opened the front door of City Hall for an elderly woman. The woman was going to City Hall to get a schedule of parks activites.

“I think this is the type or proactive leadership we need in our community,” said Mayor Parris. “When I see a need, I attack with every ounce of my being,” continued the Mayor.

“I believe this shows his commitment to public safety,” said Vice Mayor Ron Smith. “I shudder to think what could have happened if Mayor Parris had not opened that door. Oops! Strike that. I didn’t mean to say anything about guarding doors. I demand that you not print that or I’ll have a bunch of guys park in front of your house!” screamed Smith.

Retired Deputy Tom Piggott said, “Mayor Parris really put his life on the line for that senior citizen. I think he is willing to give his life for his community. A gang member might have been on the other side of that door!”

When asked for comment, Mayoral candidate Arnold Rodio said, “you actually want me to comment on him opening a door?” Immediately one of Parris’ supporters shouted, “there you go again, attacking Rex Parris. How many doors have YOU opened Mr. Rodio? Hm?? Why weren’t you there opening her door??”

Council Candidate Marvin Crist said, “I’m all about public safety, creating jobs, and all of the candidates are good people.”

Several of Rex Parris’ supporters, who happened to be women were unable to comment because they were moaning in ecstasy at seeing Rex Parris do something.

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